Sob stories are problematic. When I find myself on the receiving end of one there is often the sense the individual spinning the tale believes he or she is the only person to have experienced some sort of obstacle or set back in life. Solutions and suggestions of how to look at the experience in a more positive way are met with head shakes and comments about not understanding. I haven’t walked in that person’s shoes, you see. I don’t get just how uniquely impossible the situation is.

At the risk of sounding insensitive, it seems necessary to say few things in life are rare. Those who believe they have an obstacle others couldn’t possibly understand are likely wrong. Most people experience wrenches along the way. I don’t have to specifically walk in another person’s shoes to understand loss, fear, rejection, exhaustion, anger, inequality and insecurity. The human experience dictates most of us will struggle with all of these in our own way through life. The bad things in life that happen to us don’t define who we are. How we address them and move forward plays a greater role. Those stuck in the belief their sob story tops all others and is responsible for goals remaining out of reach fail to consider those they complain to may have overcome that and more.

I used to work with a woman who was a magnet for obstacles. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, but just about every thing that could go wrong in her world did. She kept her chin up and her eyes on the future. Just like me, she sat across the desk from many people who dismissed her point of view as coming from a person who couldn’t possibly understand. She was successful and happy, you see. Little did they know their problems would have been a nice vacation for her. She didn’t wear it on her sleeve. When she gave people advice, advice that was dismissed, she really did understand.

My advice, when you’re having a hard time with something don’t write off those who seem to have had an easier path as not understanding. Don’t dismiss their advice as coming from someone with a charmed existence. There really is no way to know the experiences of others. Anyone who has found a way to be healthy, successful and happy deserves consideration. It is highly unlikely, if they are indeed human, to have gotten as far as they have in life without some sort of sleep robbing, ulcer generating, ego slicing problem popping up along the way. The person you are sure couldn’t possibly understand may turn out to be the person with the best ideas for how to overcome your problems.

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You know that little guy sitting on your shoulder whispering all sorts of negative stuff in your ear? Flick him off! Seriously. He’s not doing you a lick of good. It frustrates me to no end when I meet someone more willing to embrace the opinion of an imaginary person than a seasoned professional. What gives this little guy so much power? Even if he knows some deep dark secret about you, it’s not like he can hold it against you. He doesn’t have a Twitter account at the ready where he can send the world messages of your short comings and obstacles. You’re the only one who can hear him. The only way his view of you or your situation can be revealed to the rest of us is if you take his words to heart and allow them to come through in what you say and do.

I talk about this little guy with many of my clients. I can’t see or hear him, but I know when someone is carrying him around. While discussing strategy, leery eyes stare back at me. The head twitches to the side to take in what he has to say. A quick rub of the shoulder hints to the weight of this little guy’s negativity.

Be gone with him! Only you can make the choice. Others can help brush him off, but as long as you offer him safe harbor, their efforts won’t be enough. Bring your index finger to your thumb and set him sailing. Then step on him. Splat! Uh-oh, I’d better stop. My violent side is emerging.

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As a resident of the state with highest level of unemployment in the nation, you’d think I’d be tripping over job seekers right and left. Not so. Except for my clients, who actively network with me, I rarely encounter the unemployed in business circles. It’s astonishing to me how hard it can be to find a job seeker at times. The few who cross paths with me because of their own efforts to be seen by the business community stand out.

Where are the rest? Hiding in their cave of despair? At home waiting by the phone for the call that’s unlikely to come? Surfing the net so they can apply to a job 500 other people have spotted as well?

For those looking for a job, I can’t stress how important it is to be visible. It really shouldn’t be a rarity for me to rub elbows with a job seeker at, say, a Chamber of Commerce event. I understand those on a limited budget do need to be strategic in how and where they get out. What concerns me is the number of people not getting out at all. If you are missing in action at business events, you are missing THE action when it comes to being in the loop of opportunity.

My challenge to those of you on the hunt for employment is to get out there. The business community wants to know who you are. They want to put a face on those looking for work. There is a desire to band together to find a path to solutions.

Job seekers frequently tell me they feel forgotten. It’s a tough place to be, but you have to ask yourself if you are doing what it takes be remembered.

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Do you want to avoid your cover letter being more about you and less about your reader? I have an easy solution. As a rule, I encourage all of my clients to make sure the first thing the cover letter says is the name of the company they are writing. For example, “Smith & Sons is currently recruiting for a Director of Communications. The desired skills emphasized in your company’s posting include blah, blah, and blah.” By starting the letter that way, the focus is immediately on the reader’s needs. Starting a letter with something like, “I saw your ad for a Director of Communications and would like to submit my resume for consideration,” makes the letter more about the candidate’s needs and increases the chances the rest of the letter will follow the “me-me-me” pattern.

Once you’ve started your letter with a focus on the company’s objectives, it’s easy to highlight the skills and abilities you have that satisfy the job’s requirements while still making it about the reader. “My background in blah allowed me to develop and refine the skills Smith & Sons noted to be crucial for this opportunity.” Go on to give a concise account of the skills/abilities you have that would be most relevant to the opportunity. Concise is the operative word. Be sure whatever you note either ties directly to the job posting or indicates a way you are able to improve the bottom line of the company (efficiency, cost savings, diversity of skill, growing/recapturing/retaining business).

All that is left to do is to close the letter in a confident and gracious way. Thank them for reviewing your resume, stress your interest in the opportunity and state you are looking forward to an interview where you can discuss, in greater depth, how your background compliments the position’s requirements.

There is no written in stone way cover letters must be done, but I can tell you many of my clients have had great results by following this simple formula.

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John was one of those people you just fell in love with instantly. I’m not talking romantic love. His spirit, energy, warmth and humor made itself known immediately. Those drawn to vitality were easily pulled under his spell.

I first met John when he interviewed with me to be a recruiter on my team. Though I recognized how special he was as a person, I also saw how he was not a fit for the job I had available. All of John’s strengths could not save him from his greatest weakness, the absence of a poker face. Every thought and emotion played itself out on John’s face without restraint. In the world of third party recruiting, you encounter all sorts of unusual situations and need a reliable poker face to get you through those experiences without additional drama.

So, I did not hire John. When I gave him the news he did something that was so John. Without skipping a beat, he asked me to have lunch with him so we could figure out how to connect one another to more people. My verdict on him not being a fit for my company wasn’t personal to him in the least. For those of you who are thinking he was making a move on me, think again. Without being too personal, I’ll tell you a romantic lunch with me was the furthest thing from his mind. John felt a connection between the two of us and wasn’t about to let the fact he wasn’t right for my job kill any other chances we had to have a positive relationship.

The lunch John and I shared was the beginning of a fantastic friendship. It was a friendship that paid off for me in spades when I said goodbye to the company I’d been working for and struck out on my own. John referred my first corporate client to me. He was my cheerleader in so many ways. In return, I found ways to help him with his dreams and goals too. I was the sounding board when he had an unreasonable mortgage client and the strategist filling his brain with different ways to market himself.

I learned this week that John passed away. Sadly, we’d lost touch several years ago and I chalked it up to John no longer being interested in maintaining a friendship long distance. How stupid for me to think that. Just as I tell all of you not to jump to negative conclusions over someone else not following up with you, I should have heeded my own advice and realized that was so far from John’s true character. He wasn’t ignoring my emails. They were going unread by a friend who’d made his mark on this world and left it a better place.

To honor his memory, I wanted to share a piece of John Solis with you. That was his real name. In my heart, I know he’d of been tickled to be a part of helping others in their job search. Follow John’s lead and don’t let rejection distract you from life’s possibilities. Show your interest in people even when things don’t go your way. Realize there is more to a person than what you may see when sitting across their desk. Always ask yourself what potential is out there still unrealized.

I love you, John. You are missed and I feel immensely honored to have been on the receiving end of the light you brought to this world in your life. Rest, my friend. I won’t say “in peace” because peace bored you to tears.

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For the new and soon-to-be college graduates out there, I’d like to alert you to a simple fact. As cold as it sounds, once you graduate it’s no longer about you. Roles reverse. Circumstances change.

Think of the relationship of students and colleges in a basic way. Students are the buyers. They are the paying customer to the college who is in the role of the seller. In any sales setting it’s necessary to make the needs and wants of the buyer the primary focus. Advisers and admissions counselors ask what you want out of life, what you hope to gain from your college experience, and then use that information to show how the college’s offerings contribute to those goals and dreams. They outline how your investment in a degree from that college gives you knowledge, experience, resources and a competitive edge.

As a graduate seeking a job, the tables turn. No longer the buyer, the graduate becomes the seller. Corporate America becomes the paying customer prepared to give the graduate money in exchange for him providing knowledge, experience, resources and a competitive edge. Interaction with decision makers has to be less about what you want out of a career and more about what the company is hoping to accomplish and how you can contribute to that goal. Put yourself in the role of figuring out where the company, your potential customer, hopes to go and showing that customer how investing in you sets them on the right path.

Discussing what you want in terms of a career isn’t a bad thing. It just can’t dominate the conversation the way it may have when discussing course options as a student. The goal should always be to tie points about your career plans back to the interests of the company, the buyer, in some way.

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No, this isn’t about me being viscous. I had a photo session earlier this week, which is tantamount to torture. Cameras and I do not get along. My fragile grasp on confidence gives way and insecurity creeps in. Insecurity isn’t something I like to pay much attention to normally, but humanity makes it impossible to ignore at times.

During the shoot, the photographer was assisted by Susan, a woman I know from professional circles. As the photographer was trying to get me to loosen up and show a genuine smile, the kind with teeth, I began peppering him with concerns over double chins, fat angles and gray hair. Susan kept shaking her head at me and laughing. After a bit she commented on how surprised she was to hear me speak of myself this way when I always seem so confident speaking in front of people. Seem is the operative word.

Really, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone when another shows insecurity. I truly believe all humans have insecurity. Some are better at keeping it check than others is all. There are things in life important enough to me that I’m not going to let fear over what others may say, think or feel about me keep me on the sidelines. If something doesn’t reach that level of importance, like having my picture taken, then insecurity has the advantage and gets a chance to show itself.

To those of you looking for jobs who are struggling with insecurity, do yourself the favor of acknowledging everyone worries about how they come off to others. Your feelings aren’t a defect. Those who are doing the things you’re talking yourself out of to secure employment aren’t free of the burden of insecurity. They are simply not letting that insecurity play a powerful role in crucial situations. It’s one thing when insecurity has you dodging photographs and smiling with firmly shut lips. It’s quite another when insecurity checks you out of the job search effort while your bank account drains and opportunities pass you by. Show your teeth from time to time. I did and it didn’t kill me. Of course, I haven’t seen the pictures yet!

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I’ve mentioned before companies are more inclined to hire by the balance sheet versus by the heart. What does this mean for job seekers? It’s critical to focus on how your experience and talents can have a positive influence on an organization’s profit margin. Candidates who are able to give a company a clear picture of how hiring them will improve the company’s bottom line are going to have the advantage. Although it’s a nice plus to be able to emphasize your professionalism, passion for the field, work ethic and credentials, if you aren’t tying it in to how the company will benefit you are missing the boat.

So, what should you be focusing on when pitching your skills and abilities to a company? I recommend what I call “The Critical Five.”

1. The ability to add business/revenue.
2. The ability to prevent loss of business and/or recapture business.
3. The ability to streamline processes/workloads and reduce expenses for cost savings.
4. The ability to solve a problem that is costing the company money.
5. The ability to add a skill to their environment they may be lacking or light on.

No matter your profession, if you are open minded enough, you can find a way to show how your experience can benefit a company in one or more of these areas. Mentally go through your list of skills and try to come up with a way those skills each translate to helping the bottom line of a potential employer.

For the sake of getting you started, let me throw out a few examples of how to enhance the way you promote yourself keeping “The Critical Five” in mind.

Before:
“I’m certified in all Microsoft Office products.”

After:
“I’m certified in all Microsoft Office products, which benefits you because I can efficiently navigate the software, format them in the correct way so others can use my work without complication, produce professional looking documents your customers will appreciate and be a free resource to other staff members who may be struggling on the applications.”

Do you see how adding a value statement that speaks to the bottom line of the company aids you in the selling process? Let’s try another example.

Before:
“I have excellent customer service skills.”

After:
“My customer service skills are such I am able to build an effective rapport, clarify the true need/expectation, communicate solutions, overcome problems/obstacles, identify additional business potential, secure customer loyalty and inspire referrals to the business.”

Speaking to the bottom line of a company accomplishes a few things. For one, it peaks the interest of the decision maker. Secondly, it reaffirms your value in your mind as well as the company’s. Finally, it shows that decision maker you truly understand what matters to a company. You get what things businesses need to focus on to succeed in the present and in the future.

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So many talented and skilled individuals are struggling in this current job market. Why? Because they’ve never had to look for a job before and aren’t certain how to navigate this tricky economy. They frequently tell me how, in the past, jobs always came to them. Now they are having to hunt for jobs and it’s unfamiliar territory.

My answer to that problem is to make it familiar territory! When you consider the reason most never had to “look” before, it’s because they were connected to people in the know who had the power to link them up with opportunities. The proof is in the pudding that finding jobs through connections is much easier than trolling the internet and joining the masses vying for a posted position.

So why is the chain broken now? For some, they’ve moved and don’t have an established network of contacts to work through. For others, they have a network, but those they know currently are out of the loop as a result of the shifts in politics, industry and the economy. In both cases, the solution is the same. The priority is to build a rapport with new people who are more likely to be traveling in circles where opportunity lurks. This doesn’t happen by spending countless hours hidden away in your home sitting in front of a computer. It requires a strategic effort and time dedicated to getting out in front of people. News from the business community needs to be followed to identify the industries, professions and individuals with momentum on their side and to find out where they hang out.

There is another reason why someone may not be sought after like they once were. Above, I mentioned how a person’s current network may be out of the loop now. What if that’s not the case though? It is possible individuals you’ve known for ages are plugged into opportunities you don’t know about. Why wouldn’t they be sharing them with you? Perhaps they’ve known you so long in “XYZ” capacity, their mind isn’t allowing them to see you in other roles. It’s human nature to file people we know in neat categories. Adding to your current network is always a good thing, but also make the effort to ensure those you’ve known for ages are aware of how your skills fit the here and now. Few of us are one trick ponies.

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Advertisements and emails tell me everyday to act immediately in order to get in on some amazing opportunity. Of course, the opportunities usually aren’t all that amazing. The products or services offered rarely even hit the “I might need this once in a blue moon” spectrum. As much as these messages annoy me, worse are the times I catch myself actually considering something I don’t need simply because of the established sense of urgency and importance.

Wouldn’t life be perfect if the things truly crucial to our health, happiness, success and well being were promoted in such a fashion? Job seekers stuck waiting for opportunity to come their way would benefit from a call to action. Imagine an email along the lines of “contact Alice today and let her know you are looking for a job because the company she works for will have an opening next Wednesday and you are the perfect fit!” How fantastic would that be?

Interestingly, I find many job seekers already have a sense of urgency in their gut telling them they must do more and do it right away or they’ll miss out. They know they need to reach out to as many people as possible, get out and circulate, plug into business news and upgrade skills to increase their odds of success. Their gut telling them to get moving often isn’t enough, however. Why? Have all of the external prompts for the meaningless opportunity in our lives left job seekers dependent on them? Are they in limbo waiting for someone else to tell them when and how to do something?

Ignoring that inner voice heightens anxiety during a search. The stress of not having a job is magnified by the knowledge crucial actions needed in order to secure employment quickly aren’t happening. It leads to that toxic situation where you’re mad at your circumstances and mad at yourself for not doing more to change them.

For those of you reading who have been tuning out your gut and not allowing it to drive you to action, your challenge is to embrace that inner energy. Unlike all of those emails and advertisements attempting to motivate you to do something out of urgency, your gut is more likely to be pointing you in the right direction. Don’t fear embracing the things that statistically are more likely to benefit than harm.

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